William Carlos Williams Experiment

This is a poem by William Carlos Williams:

This Is Just To Say

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

And this is my version (which my father thinks is quite hilarious. i was just writing quickly and this is what i came up with):

thought I’d say

that
I don’t want to leave

but you know that
after what happened
with the serving
spoons

we can’t both stay

here

we must dig and delve unceasingly

the cerulean sky hovered
tantalizingly close to the
blazing green hill
and the clouds on the shimmering
horizon sparkled and sparked with intensity
my eyes swam from the sheer
brightness of the landscape
i wanted to
reach out and trail my
fingers through the deep
vast blue and watch
the ripples roll to either
side of the sky.
when i squinted my swimming eyes
the colors ran together
like a Monet painting or a
rainy day
when the greens and blues
melt and slide into
blurred shapes and reflections
of what life was like
before the water.