infinity on the way to English 378

i walked to class, and i looked at all the other people
walking to their classes with
backpacks ipods nikes uggs phones out hoods up
shuffling running smiling frowning
looking up looking down talking too loudly not talking at all
each thinking about their own life--

and what homework is due
what show is on later

the fight he just had
her gpa

the divorce

where to eat dinner

why he hasn't called

how much weight she wants to lose--

and I could not help but wonder in that moment

as life after life after life passed me

on that campus in a small town in a small state

in a big country in a very big world

(made tiny in comparison to an unbelievably huge universe

-and who knows what else beyond-)
i could not help but try to imagine

what the purpose and direction and point and joy

of my life would be if not to live for the God

who created the universe

(and whatever else lies beyond that)

and who also created the freckle in the middle of my palm

and the big tree we like to climb

and the way my sister laughs

and i felt small

but also filled with big sadness

for people who do not see there is an infinite bigness

and love to live for but

you have to widen your gaze farther than your own

tiny life-

and see the way the sun sets

and snow sparkles and how

puddles reflect neon lights

and rain drips off pine trees and the

way people really do give their lives

for the right thing and they

fight for justice and

understand the implications of a

forgiveness and love that has no conditions-

and then your life gets bigger

while you get smaller

and okay with being smaller because

you get that much more lost in Him.